Here I am now and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I’m living with my daughter and her growing family. Being here now has inspired much art. I photographed Aubree during her pregnancy several times. I used one of those photos to combine with my painting “Mother Earth”, and created this one of a kind piece of art, I printed it on canvas to hang in Aubree and Dan’s room.
Also while waiting for the baby’s arrival I painted a small 10×10 canvas, utilizing the starry night sky to match the dresser I painted. I put Aubree, Dan and baby Aiden floating in the stars in a protective bubble. After Aiden arrived I painted his birth statistics and added glitter to complete the painting.
Aubree gave birth to Aiden Douglas Hill, on November 29th. It’s such an honor and blessing to get to be here during this time, watching my daughter be a mother, getting to watch my grandson grow. It’s all so beautiful.
It also triggers a lot of memories and feelings, sometimes it triggers trauma and I find myself sweating, unable to catch my breath, fleeing, hiding. Yesterday I tried to hide in the closet, I caught myself, put myself to bed instead, for a good cry, head under the blankets. Weird, right? During this joyful time, having a newborn in the house, the Granny is hiding and crying, panicking in the bed? I’d say the baby in me gets triggered. I just turned 55, often I’m feeling 5. So just like I see my daughter nurturing and soothing baby Aiden, I will nurture and soothe my inner child. Self care is so important, now, always.
I am grateful for years of practicing self care and having so many tools in my tool box. So far today I journaled (3 pages), did a sketch meditation, and my new morning meditation- staring at Aiden’s little face. I ate a healthy breakfast and did yoga. I’ll also drink water and paint and talk to a friend, all these things help me to stay present.
Here in the now, this is where the magic is, this is where life happens. Is it winter in Ohio? I wouldn’t know I’m in the house with this blissful baby enjoying the present of his presence. And making sure my presence is a present to the present as well. Settling into some kind of new routine with my Granny artist self. Here now is where I choose to be, always, deeply immersed in the present moment. This here now is where life happens. I am present for my life now, capable of handling whatever comes, I’ll no longer shy away. “Lean in”, they say and lean in I will. Dive in, yes.
Be immersed in the now, in my body,safe, no need to hide, not even on the inside. This is a way of being so different than the one I knew before.
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